Sometimes people feel guilty about wanting company and physical love.
Often they have all sorts of other unresolved emotions about the death of the partner, and the more they try to ignore them, the more they tend to surface. But they might be about anger that the person has gone, or about resentment that other people are still a couple and can look forward to an old age together.
And Michelle, a 41-year-old trainee nurse, believes that the bereaved deserve the right to happiness. But that doesn't rule out a new love.' Michelle and Jon, a tall, bespectacled man who worked in the construction industry, met on a night out in their home town of Hull in October 2003.
'Of course, I understand why people might be scandalised,' she says quietly. I didn't for a second imagine falling in love again - ever. 'At first Jon's friend, Adrian, was just a link to Jon. But when your emotions are so raw, inhibitions fall away. Divorced and with a young son, Michelle was wary of embarking on a new relationship. He would rush to open car doors and insisted on paying when we went out for dates.
Once a widow hits 65, the odds for remarriage fall off sharply.